


Dancing with Vega

by girlg33k



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-10
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-07 10:26:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/430026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlg33k/pseuds/girlg33k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>F!Shepard asks James Vega to teach her how to dance, and it's all uphill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dancing with Vega

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a one-shot inspired by a piece of artwork that showed James and Shepard dancing together in Purgatory. I ended up liking it and wanted to see where it went, so more chapters followed. The Shepard is generic, though with the understanding that she romanced Kaidan Alenko in ME1. She's loosely based on how I view my Shepard, but she could fit most people's Shepards, I think.

“Hey, Lola, relax.” James chuckled at how stiff she stood before him. “You’ve gotta let the music flow through you.” She replied with a frustrated groan.

“That’s easy for you to say, party boy. I’ve been a little busy fighting the galaxy’s deadliest enemies. There’s not a lot of time to dance when you’re zooming around space. Not much shore leave. And anyway, dancing isn’t important. I can shoot the head off a Geth from 200 yards away. So what if I don’t have any rhythm?” He laughed and rose from the chair where he had been watching her. 

“Everyone knows what you can do with a gun, Lola. And that’s all well and good. But you need to relax, belleza. You can’t run around killing things all the time. Sometimes a person has to blow off some steam, or just forget about the chaos for a while. Besides, you’re the one who asked me to teach you to dance, remember?” She sighed and nodded her head.

“You’re right. Sorry. It’s just not something I’ve ever had the need to do before. But the crew deserves a break, even if it’s just a few hours. And I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of everyone at Purgatory.” James walked around behind her and placed his large hands on her shoulders. She began to relax slightly as he massaged her tense muscles.

“You won’t, if I can help it. That’s why I’m up here. To make you look damn sexy on the dance floor. You’re in good hands, Lola.” His hands moved down to her hips, and he gently shifted her balance back and forth. “Just loosen up, don’t jerk around, just flow side to side. Like water. Yeah, just like that.” He slid a foot between her legs and eased her feet apart so they were even with her shoulders. He let go of her hips and walked around to face her. “You’ve got a balance now. Now feel the rhythm. Listen to the music, and listen here.” He reached out and placed two fingers over her heart. “It’s good to let the music sink in, but you have to listen to your body, too. La música del cuerpo.” 

“Right, right, music of the body, OK....” She bit her lip in concentration, doing her best to find her body’s natural rhythm. She failed to notice James’s eyes lingering on her hips a few seconds longer than necessary.

“OK, that’s good. Now, concentrate on your center, and slowly move that rhythm up your body. Muscle by muscle.” Shepard closed her eyes and listened to the sound of her heartbeat and the pulsing sounds of the music playing from the speaker on her nightstand. And the sound of Vega’s deep voice encouraging her, which seemed to direct each muscle in her body. “Loosen up those arms, Lola. Don’t stiffen up, let them hang and move on their own.” His voice came closer, then she felt him grab one of her arms and lift it up, setting it down on his shoulder. She felt his muscles move, and heard a soft shuffling of feet as he began to dance with her. “All right...bend your knees a bit, don’t lock them up. Good, perfecto.” James adjusted her arm to drape around his neck as he moved his other hand to her hip and pulled her slightly closer. From the hand on her hip she could feel the muscles of his arm connecting their movements. He applied gentle pressure to lead her in a small space around the floor. She felt no need to open her eyes, trusting him to lead her, and finding the experience of simply feeling the movements and losing herself in the rhythm quite tantalizing. James cleared his throat suddenly. “Lola, you’re a natural.”

“Don’t make fun of me, James,” she mumbled, still lost in their movements. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it. What do you say we kick it up a notch?” 

“Kick it up a notch?” she repeated in a daze. 

“Dance floors get crowded, Lola.” He grinned and gently pulled her body closer, closing the gap between them. He could feel the heat from her body now, and feel her body move up against his. “Now, move with me.” She obeyed, and it was easy to feel his large muscles move beneath his tight t-shirt, which helped her keep in synch with his movements. His hand moved to the small of her back, and she leaned into it, even as he held her close to him. Somehow she felt like they were a single person rather than two separate people dancing together. She hadn’t known dancing could be so euphoric. Getting into the moment, James slid his hand down Shepard's back and rested it on the top of her ass. Immediately her body tensed up and her eyes popped open.

“James....” She gave him a warning look as her body froze.

“What?”

“You know what.” He sighed and stepped back.

“When are you going to get over that pendejo?” he muttered.

“Excuse me?” Her eyes narrowed. “What was that, Lieutenant?” He shrugged his shoulders and sighed.

“You heard me, Shepard. How long are you going to mope around over the Major? You try to hide it, but I've known you long enough to see through that. Remember, I was there on Mars, too. I heard what he said, and I saw your face. And now he's running around Spectre-ing across the galaxy and hasn't once tried to see you. You need to move on.”

“Don't tell me what I need to do, Vega. You may think you know everything about me, but you don't.” She strode forward and shoved a finger into his broad chest for emphasis. “You don't even know half.” James smirked and grabbed hold of the offending hand.

“I know more than you think, Lola.” He pulled her close to him and planted a hard kiss on her lips. Shepard swung at him with her free hand, punched his arm and his chest, tried to pull away. James just held her tighter, kissed her harder, and after several seconds she calmed down. James relaxed his hold and took a step back, admiring the fierce blush in her cheeks that betrayed the indignant look she was trying to give him. There was silence between them for a few moments, and irritation slowly etched its way into Shepard's face. Vega took another step back, concerned that maybe he really had gone too far, but this time Shepard held him in place with a firm grip on his arm.

“Are you quitting midway, Lieutenant? I thought you'd be the type of man who finished what he started.” Vega chuckled, surprised. So she had grown angry because he had backed off, huh? He grinned and pulled her close.

“Lola, I always finish what I start. Satisfaction guaranteed.”


	2. Purgatory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Normandy crew takes a well deserved break on the Citadel. Kaidan gets jealous while he watches James dancing with Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, of course, after having James teach Shepard to dance, I had to have them put that to good use.

Kaidan Alenko eyed a rather dazzling looking Commander Shepard from a crowded table in Purgatory. She was at the bar ordering another round of drinks for the Normandy's crew. He wasn't a current member of that crew, but he knew most of them, and had defied death with some of them, so an invitation had been extended to him, in case he happened to be on the Citadel. He was. He wasn't sure if Shepard had requested his presence, though, or if someone else had seen fit to let him know about the party. She'd been ignoring him most of the evening. Kaidan, on the other hand, couldn't help watching her. She was wearing an unbelievable dress, several inches above her knees, skin tight, sleeveless, low cut in the front, and heels. Heels. Never mind the fact that he'd never seen her in a dress before; he'd never thought she'd wear such impractical footwear. But there she was, and it was damn sexy. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Which is why he'd noticed that she had already danced with that over muscled lieutenant seven times now. And she’d looked good. When had she learned to dance? Another thumping song began, and the Lieutenant grabbed Shepard by the arm and pulled her back to the dance floor. Was she…smiling? He hadn’t seen her smile like that in years, and it had been rare then, even around him. His eyes narrowed as he watched them. Their bodies were pressed together, her arms were draped around his neck, his hand was…. Kaidan nearly choked on his drink. That was his commanding officer! That upstart muscle head had his hand on his commanding officer’s ass. And she wasn’t bothering to remove it. The Shepard he remembered never would have allowed something like that in public. What had gotten into her? Even when they had been together aboard the SR-1, she had never been overly open about their relationship, trying to observe protocol, even though they were breaking fraternization rules almost every night. Everyone knew, but on deck she observed the rules of rank. He hadn’t argued; he’d agreed with her. But now, watching Shepard and Vega on the dance floor…. He raised a hand to his temple; he suddenly felt a very bad headache coming on. He rose from his seat, spoke a few words with one of Normandy’s crew members, and headed toward the bathroom.

He splashed some cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. “Get a grip, Alenko,” he muttered to himself. As he was drying off his face, the object of his irritation walked in.

“Major. You wanted to see me, sir?” James Vega strode in, confident, sweaty, cocky. Kaidan studied him a moment before speaking.

“It’s about your conduct out there. Commander Shepard is your commanding officer, not to mention the commander of the ship you serve on. Just what do you think you’re doing?” James’s eyes narrowed slightly, clearly not thrilled with this lecture. Kaidan pressed on regardless. “You should have more respect for her.”

“I do respect her,” the younger man insisted, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Then act like it, Lieutenant.” James let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead. 

“Look, pendejo-“

“What did you call me?” Kaidan interrupted angrily. He didn’t know what the word meant, but he was sure it was an insult. 

“Figure it out. And figure out that the Commander doesn’t want you hanging around her anymore. You broke her heart and abandoned her. She’s finally moving on. Don’t drag her back down.” 

“Lieutenant, you are out of line.” Kaidan strode forward and got in James’s face, his fists clenched at his side. Vega glared back defiantly, but didn’t seem in the mood to start a fight. He took a deep breath and met Kaidan’s gaze. 

“Look, Major. If she wants you back, I’m not going to stand in the way. But she already carries the weight of the entire galaxy on her shoulders. She doesn’t need this. She doesn’t need you coming in and fucking with her head. If that means she’s finding out you’re not the only man in the universe, then just let it go. It’s your own damn fault. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just leave her alone.” Vega easily shouldered around Kaidan and walked out the door, ending the conversation, but leaving a very irritated Major behind. Kaidan heaved a heavy sigh, trying to calm himself down. The words Vega had left him with swirled in his mind with his feelings for Shepard. Had he been careless? His heart ached every time he looked at her. Even on Horizon, when it had nearly stopped at the sight of her…before he opened his mouth and tore her down. He’d been completely thrown off guard to see her working with Cerberus. But hadn’t he apologized for that already? What else could he do? He wanted her back…didn’t he? For a brief moment he wasn’t sure. If she’d changed this much in such a short time…. Maybe she wasn’t the same Shepard he’d fallen in love with. With another sigh, he exited the bathroom.

“Major.” Kaidan spun around at the familiar voice.

“Vakarian.” Garrus Vakarian stood leaning up against the wall by the bathroom door. Clearly he’d been standing guard…or perhaps he’d come as back up. Kaidan winced slightly at the thought, wondering if his former crewmates were turning against him. “I didn’t realize Lieutenant Vega needed a Turian bodyguard.” 

“He doesn’t. You might, though.” The Turian gave him what passed for a grin for his species, and Kaidan immediately understood. He’d been there to keep James from beating _him_ up. He’d really had enough of this for one night.

“Give the Commander my regards and apologies for ducking out early. I have other business to attend to.” Without waiting for a reply, Kaidan climbed up the stairs and left Purgatory.


	3. Farewell, My Scientist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Tuchanka mission, Shepard mourns the loss of a friend.

The tech lab had been refitted into a security checkpoint, so she couldn't mourn him in his favorite place. Instead, she'd had EDI program the security footage from the tech lab she'd collected for Cerberus into the 3-D game system in the rec room. Shepard lied there, staring up in silence at the projected images. On the nearby bar, several bottles of alcohol sat open in various stages of consumption. In her hand was a glass that would need refilling soon. The door opened, and several male voices entered the room. Then….

"Esteban." James's deep, gentle voice gave some unseen command to his friend.

"Right. Gentlemen, perhaps we should check out the view on the other side of the ship?" Feet shuffled back out of the room, and the door closed. Silence filled the space once again, except for the occasional mumbled nonsense that only Mordin understood coming from the game system's speakers.

"Hey, Lola. Everything all right in there?" She sighed, and he could smell her alcohol tinged breath drift out from under the game hood.

"Fine. Go away, James." Her words were thick and slow. Just how much had she had to drink?

"Nah, I think I'll stay here, thanks." He stood over her, arms crossed, wondering what had put her in such a state.

"Don't make me order you out of here…."

"I wouldn't leave if you did." A huff of frustration followed by some mumbled curses answered him. Then she raised her hand with the near empty glass and waved it in his general direction.

"If you insist on staying, at least make yourself useful." She felt the glass removed from her hand, and heard it clack on the bar counter as he set it down, but something unexpected returned to her hand. James's two large hands folded gently around her newly vacated one.

"Hey, what's going on? This isn't like you." He spoke gently, trying to coax her out to talk with him. "Why don't you come out of there and talk to me?"

"If you're not going to help, then just go the fuck away and leave me alone." She attempted to yank her hand from his grasp, but he gripped her harder.

"Si es así cómo va a ser..." he grumbled under his breath. Changing to a more direct tactic, he rotated the game hood up, which automatically shut off whatever she had been watching, and revealed a pair of puffy eyes and wet cheeks. Eyes which quickly slit in anger as she glared at him.

"What do you think you're doing? I told you to leave." She was angry, but didn't have the energy to give her words the bite they normally would have carried. And her cheeks were flushed with more than just the alcohol running through her veins. She was mortified to have been found crying. Tears threatened to flow from her eyes again, so she once more tried to disengage herself from James's hold. She pulled, but his hold remained firm. She stood up to give herself more leverage, but the quick movement caused the blood to rush to her head, and that mixed with the alcohol caused her to grow dizzy and stumble over. James reacted quickly and managed to catch her before she fell, using the hand he was holding to pull her against his body.

"Woah, steady there, Lola. I've got you." She was silent and still for a moment, then he felt the warm wetness of fresh tears seep through his shirt. "Hey, hey, shhh, it's OK." He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. For several minutes, he stood and silently held the sobbing woman against his chest. When she finally stopped, she disengaged herself from his embrace and turned her back to him. Watching the movements of her arms, he could tell she was trying to wipe the tears from her face and compose herself.

"Hey, Shepard," he began quietly, reaching a hand out to her shoulder. When she didn't pull away, he continued. "Talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong." He felt her shoulder rise and fall as she let out a deep sigh. She kept her back to him, and wrapped her arms tightly around herself as if trying to hold herself together.

"Mordin." Her voice belied regret and an overwhelming sadness. He stared at her back, confused. A single Salarian was causing this grief?

"Mordin? The one who sacrificed himself on Tuchanka?" They had returned from that difficult mission late that afternoon, and he realized he had not seen Shepard since they'd returned to the Normandy. He felt a silent sob wrack the woman's body, but couldn't understand why she was so upset over a single Salarian. Thousands were dying every day, and he'd never seen her like this.

"Yes. Mordin, he…." She broke off and suddenly hummed a few bars of a song he didn't recognize. Then it suddenly hit him. She was crying over a single Salarian, because he was more than just another Salarian to her. Such profound grief. Was she mourning the Drell like this, as he slowly died in a hospital on the Citadel? By herself?

"Soy un idiota," he mumbled, scolding himself for his insensitive words. He moved around in front of her and reached out to her face, tucking slightly damp hair behind her ears so he could see her clearly. "I'm sorry. I hadn't realized you two were close. Would you like to tell me about him?" When he didn't get a response, he cupped her cheeks in his hands and gently lifted her face. "Lola? Do you not want to-" She interrupted him as words suddenly started spilling out of her mouth.

"You should have known him better, James. He was a wonderful friend. So much more than what he let people see. But he let me see. More than a simple scientist, more than a former soldier. The bane and the savior of the Krogans. My friend, who gave the best and strangest advice, and was always right. A lover of theatre, of all things. He had a great sense of humor, and a profound sense of duty to his profession. A man wracked with guilt who sought redemption. Who found it. Oh, gods, let him have found it. It worked, it worked…." Her body began to shake with dry sobs, her tears run dry, and James reached out with his large arms and drew her close once more. This time her hands clutched at his shirt, and she took several deep breaths as she fought to compose herself. James didn't know what to say, and his heart ached for her, knowing there was little he could do to ease her pain. So he simply stood there in silence and held her, and hoped it was enough. Several minutes passed, and the tension slowly left Shepard's body; she grew silent and still.

"James, I want to go to my cabin." Her voice was slightly hoarse, raw from who knew how much of what kind of alcohol she'd poured down her throat, and from continued crying.

"Sure thing, Lola." He left one arm around her waist for support, and carefully guided her out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. They were not spotted; Esteban was doing his job. He punched the button for the loft, and the elevator rose to the top of the Normandy. Shepard leaned against his side, clearly not able to stand upright on her own; her head rested against his shoulder, and her eyes struggled to stay open. James felt guilty for enjoying the feel of her weight against him when she was in such a state, but her warmth and her curves were hard to ignore. Fortunately, the elevator door opened onto the loft before his thoughts got carried away. He guided his commanding officer into her room, lifted her down the small set of stairs, and eased her down onto the bed. She lied down on her own, eager for the room to stop spinning, while James pulled off her shoes and set them aside. He took the blanket folded at the foot of the bed and covered her up to her neck, then gently brushed away the hair stuck to her face.

"Get some rest, belleza. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He managed to give her a smile, then turned to leave her to get some sleep.

"James…thanks…." He barely heard the slurred whispers, but it put a genuine smile on his face as he glanced back at her.

"Sure thing, Lola. Next time, let's have ourselves a proper date, eh?"

"Mmm…." He wondered if he should take her sleepy mumble as assent, though he'd only been half serious with his proposition.

"Take what you can get, James," he whispered to himself as he left the room. "Maybe a good meal will cheer her up."


	4. Feelings Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Shepard have a heart-to-heart about the current status of their fragile relationship.

“Commander, I wondered if we could….” Kaidan Alenko stopped in his tracks at the scene that greeted him. Commander Shepard was leaning up against the side of the display shelf in the middle of her quarters, and Lieutenant James Vega stood just inches away with his hands on her hips. They were looking at him; Shepard with a mix of embarrassment and irritation, Vega with a glare of annoyance. Shepard attempted to break away from him, but Vega grabbed hold of her and planted a firm kiss on her lips. Then he released her, and turned to leave with a cocky grin on his face.

“Major.” Kaidan’s eyes followed him out of the room, his disdain evident. His gaze lingered on the door until the sound of Shepard clearing her throat brought him back to his original purpose. 

“Did you need something, Alenko?” When he turned his attention back to her, she had already composed herself.

“I wanted to talk to you. Joker said….” He trailed off as he came to a realization, then inwardly cursed himself, and Joker. “Joker said you were up here.” Shepard nodded and took a seat at the small table in the room, and gestured for Kaidan to do the same. 

“So, talk. I’ve certainly never denied you that right.” Kaidan took a seat across from her, and took a deep breath to calm himself.

“I apologize for…interrupting.” Shepard let out a dry laugh and shook her head.

“Perhaps I should. James is…impetuous. Though it’s one of the things I enjoy about him.” Kaidan glanced away for a moment and wrung his hands, gathering his thoughts.

“Right. About that…. I guess…you and I…. I mean, are you together with him, now?” Shepard carefully studied his expression. He was confused, agitated, and clearly wanted only the answer he desired to hear. But he’d certainly never pulled his punches with her before, and she was tired of tip toeing around his feelings.

“I suppose we are. James…is a great comfort to me. I would appreciate it if you’d leave him alone. He hasn’t done anything to you.” Kaidan suddenly slammed a hand on the table. 

“Of course he has! He’s taken you from me. Shepard, I…. I wanted us to be together again. I thought you did, too.” Shepard frowned and shook her head.

“Kaidan, you act like he went behind your back and stole me away. You were the one who made it quite clear you didn’t want to be with me. What else could I expect from your words on Horizon? Was I supposed to wait for you to change your mind? While your words ate at me inside?” Kaidan opened his mouth to argue the point, but closed it immediately and hung his head; he couldn’t offer up a genuine excuse. He changed his line of thought.

“We were happy though, then, weren’t we? You didn’t want that back?” Shepard looked down at the table and was silent for a long moment. A deep sadness seemed to darken her face, and she looked back up at a nervous Kaidan with eyes pained with loneliness.

“When I was with you Kaidan, I was sad. Even though I loved you, I always felt there was a strain on our relationship. Something held us back. It was lonely. I was always lonely, even when you were at my side, even when I was wrapped in your embrace. You were so obsessed with protocol, and back then, I was, too. With James…James makes me forget that I’m Commander Shepard. When we’re alone, and he looks at me, he sees Shepard the woman, not the soldier. And I need that. Especially right now. We could all be dead tomorrow. James makes me feel alive.” Kaidan stared at her in shock. Her words stung him, shattered him, and regret suddenly filled him. If she had wanted him to change…. Well, he didn’t think he could, and it was too late at any rate. He was a soldier through and through. He’d thought Shepard was, too. 

“Is that really a good idea, Shepard? Is this really the time? When we’re in the middle of a galactic war? There’s a lot on the line, here. And it’s not a good example for the rest of the crew.” She gave him a small smile, knowing he wouldn’t understand.

“That’s exactly why. And don’t tell me what’s good for my crew, Kaidan. I know that better than anyone. They’re staring death down on a near daily basis, defying it, knowing their luck is bound to run out at some point. They’ve seen friends and loved ones die, they’ve seen whole planets fall. Before, when we fought against Saren, we knew what we were up against, and were confident we could win. It’s not like that anymore. Our enemy now is beyond our comprehension. We’re racing against time, and it’s running out fast. No one knows what things will be like when they wake up in the morning. How many more planets have fallen, how many millions have died. Do you really expect me to tell them that in the face of all this, they’re not allowed to find a small piece of happiness because of protocol? It doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

“But Shepard, those rules are there for a reason. They’re there to keep the soldiers disciplined.” Shepard sighed and stood up, began slowly pacing across the room. 

“Everyone needs a reason to fight, right? They all know what we’re fighting for in the grand scheme, and that at the core, we’re fighting for Earth. We can all talk about fighting to take Earth back, but sometimes we’re on the other side of the galaxy. It doesn’t seem like it with the mass relays, but the distance is really unimaginable. And we’re not just fighting for Earth, we’re fighting for the entire galaxy, for Palaven, for Tuchanka. For every species, every planet. Mordin said to me once, that people need a personal connection to what they’re fighting for. Something to bring it home, provide a reason different from everyone else, something that brings meaning to you and no one else. If they can find that on the Normandy, I won’t stop them.” Kaidan considered her words for a moment, then spoke again in a quiet, but very serious voice, thinking back on his own experience when he thought she had died.

“And if one of them dies?” Shepard sighed and looked away from him, directing her gaze instead to the ridiculously large tank filled with colorful fish.

“Then they will fight all the harder against the ones who took that away.” Kaidan stared at her for a moment in disbelief. 

“Shepard, you sound as if you’re trying to manipulate your crew into fighting this war.” She turned back to him with a sad smile on her face.

“I am. They’re scared, Kaidan. I’m scared. And this war is exhausting. I need to keep them motivated any way I can. So yes, there is an intended side effect. War makes us cruel, Major, and there’s only one person on this ship who makes me feel like I’m not the monster I think I am. Who brings me some small amount of peace to temper the storm.” She sat back down across from him, and several minutes passed in silence. Kaidan gazed at her thoughtfully, remembered their time serving on the SR-1, how she had been just as engrained in Alliance regulations as he. Then two years later, when he continued their fight within the Alliance, while she worked with Cerberus. And now, they were both back with the Alliance, as he had always been and always would be…but she was different. She was an Alliance officer, but she ran things like she commanded her own private army. Like she was alone in this battle, and only she could win this war. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized the truth of it. It wasn’t her ego; everyone had pinned their hopes on Commander Shepard, and she was struggling to find a way to rise above rank and position and become the hero they all wanted, to do what was necessary to accomplish what needed to be accomplished. He was starting to understand, but he knew he couldn’t walk beside her. He could only follow along, like everyone else, and wait for her to point him in the right direction. 

“You’ve changed, Shepard.” There was some disappointment in his voice; he had begun to realize that his Shepard was an ideal she couldn’t match, because she was willing to adapt and change, to see the bigger picture and take the advantage. He had missed his chance, and had been gone from her side for too long to catch up. Shepard let out an empty laugh. 

“I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you, Major.” Her voice dropped to just above a whisper. “But for what it’s worth, I loved you then.” Kaidan rose from his seat and gazed down at her with a bitter smile.

“For what it’s worth, I loved you, too. And I want you to know, I won’t get in the way.” She smiled at him, a little brighter this time, relieved that they had finally had a real talk. His heart fluttered, as it always had when she smiled at him, but he quickly tamped down his feelings, something he’d have to learn to do now. “Good night, Commander.” Without lingering a moment longer, a broken-hearted Kaidan left the commander alone with her thoughts. 

Shepard remained seated for a few minutes after he left, lost in memories of the past. When she finally rose, she walked over to her desk and pulled out a photo frame she had hidden away. It flickered to life in her hands, displaying an image of Kaidan from several years ago, smiling out at her.

“Commander, everything OK?” Joker’s voice startled her from her thoughts. 

“Were you listening?” she asked, clearly irritated that such a personal conversation might have been overheard. 

“No ma’am,” he immediately replied, eager to stay her temper. “Lieutenant Vega came by and said the Major had come up to your quarters looking pretty serious, and asked me to check on you once he’d left. I just saw him walk through the CIC.” Shepard sighed, letting her brief flash of anger subside, and even managed a smile. 

“Everything’s fine, Joker. Thanks.” 

“Sure thing, Commander. Joker out.” As the comm speaker clicked off, Shepard looked down at the photo in her hand one last time. A photo from a time now long gone, but no less important to her. She couldn’t bring herself to get rid of it, but she didn’t need it displayed as a constant reminder, either. Not when she was finally moving on.


	5. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vega asks Shepard to meet him for dinner in the shuttle bay.

“Commander Shepard.” Shepard’s thoughts were jolted from the datapads before her as the AI’s voice called for her attention over the intercom. 

“Yes, EDI?”

“Lieutenant Vega has requested that you meet him in the shuttle bay at 17:30 this evening. He also instructed that you 'dress to kill.' Commander, is there an upcoming mission that I have yet to be informed of?” Shepard chuckled softly at EDI’s misunderstanding.

“No, EDI. 'Dressed to kill' means...well, why don't you ask Joker? I'm sure he'd be happy to explain it.”

“I will do that, Commander.” As the intercom clicked off, Shepard let out a loud laugh, imagining the way the conversation might go. Ever since she’d loaded herself up into that body, EDI’s sense of humor had, well, not exactly blossomed, since many of her jokes were god awful, but it had grown. She was eager to learn human idioms, and anxious to master the art of sarcasm, and her pursuits always managed to quirk the corners of Shepard’s mouth, even when the stress of waging a galactic war was weighing her down. She let out a sigh as her thoughts shifted to EDI’s message. Be in the shuttle bay and dressed to kill, huh? What in the world could James have up his sleeve? And why go through EDI? He’d never been so…indirect and mysterious before. She spun her chair from side to side as she wondered about what he had in mind. They’d left the Citadel well behind a few days ago, and there weren’t any major stations or planets in the area they were passing through on their way to the Perseus Veil. 

Dressed to kill. Shepard’s civvies options were slim, but as luck would have it, Kasumi Goto had sent her a rather nice cocktail dress in return for a recent favor. It was still in its box, shoved under her bed. Along with some other feminine accessories that the thief kept sending her way. Ever since that one little mission they went on together, Kasumi had been trying to get her to wear more stylish clothing, insisting she had been a knock out in the dress she had worn. She walked over to her bed, and with a slight grunt, kneeled down on the floor and dragged out several colorful boxes. She flipped several of them open and managed to find the dress she was looking for, as well as a pair of strappy heels, a thin silver necklace, some sheer black thigh highs, and a bottle of perfume claiming to smell like black currant and vanilla. Not exactly her style, but her choices were limited, and it was the most modest outfit she could pull together out of what Kasumi had sent her way. She’d much rather just go down in uniform, of course, but it was getting harder for her to say no to James these days. She didn’t want to disappoint him or ruin whatever he was plotting. She took the items out and laid everything out on her bed for later, and after giving it a once over and a satisfactory nod, she returned to her work, though she was finding it strangely hard to concentrate. 

************************************************************************  
The Normandy mess had been completely taken over by Lieutenant James Vega. Several pieces of faded paper were scattered on the counter, covered in fluid handwriting. The oven and every burner on the stove were occupied by some delicious smelling dish. Spicy and sweet aromas drifted out of the kitchen area, watering the mouths of those crew members who had stopped in for an early dinner. James waved away the curious, or threatened them as necessary, and suggested they make a sandwich and get out of his way…or he’d call Garrus Vakarian to remove them. The Turian was curious about the strange smells, and regularly walked out of the gunnery control room to take a look at James’s progress, and shoot a glare at any stragglers. The Turian and the Lieutenant had become good friends during their time aboard the Normandy. Garrus was one of Shepard’s oldest and closest friends, and once James had earned her trust, he found himself frequently out on the field with the skilled sniper and the Commander. 

“What is that slimy looking goop you just pulled out of the oven?” the Turian’s gravely voice inquired. James chuckled.

“That ‘slimy goop’ is my secret weapon. It’s going to end the night with a nice glass of this wine I managed to sneak on board. It’s called flan. My abuela said it was a sure way to a woman’s heart. Be great if I had some strawberries to go with it, but I didn’t have time to find any last time we docked at the Citadel. Not with that Cerberus mess. Barely managed to find what I was able to get my hands on.” Garrus gazed over the mound of dirty and occupied dishes.

“Seems you managed to find enough. I know you eat like a Krogan; are you sure there’s enough food there?” Garrus asked with amusement. James rolled his eyes.

“There might be some left, but the mess makes it look like more than there really is. Speaking of the mess…” The Turian’s mandibles twitched.

“Did you get it?”

“I would have attached it to your snipe myself if I hadn’t known you’d kill me for touching it.” Garrus laughed and turned to leave.

“Hey, you may be good with that hideous bulk you call a gun, but a sniper rifle requires precision and delicate care. It only fires right for its master. And it’s calling for him now. I’ll send Cortez up to help you haul all that down.” With a wave of his hand, Garrus left to visit the armory, leaving James to add the finishing touches to the meal he was preparing. 

************************************************************************  
When the elevator door opened, James didn’t even have to turn around from adding the final touches to the table setting to know it was her. The awkward clacking of heels gave her away immediately. Shepard looked around the oddly quiet room. No Cortez doing maintenance on the Kodiak, no crewmen chatting off in the corner, no one fitting weapons together on the workbench. It was quiet enough to actually hear the near imperceptible hum of the ship. As her eyes traveled around the room, they stopped with surprise on a table in the center of the shuttle bay, covered with hidden dishes and set up for a meal for two. 

“What in the world….”

“Lola! Glad you could make it. Welcome to Café de Vega.” To her surprise, Shepard’s heart skipped a beat as her eyes settled on the Lieutenant. He cleaned up well in black cargo pants, combat boots, a green Henley that brought out his eyes (and his pecs), a leather jacket, and an excited grin. He hurried over to her, excited and nervous, and held out one of his large hands. She took it, gratefully, already teetering on her heels. She could fight on just about any terrain and keep her footing, but these damn shoes…. The shoes she had worn to go dancing a few weeks prior had been lower to the ground, with a wider base and heel. Kasumi had called these strappy death traps stilettos, and they were more challenging to walk in than taking down a Brute. James led his commander to the table, pulled out a chair, and helped Shepard sit down before pushing the chair back in. He then leaned down to whisper near her ear. 

“You look fantastic, by the way.” He grinned at the slight blush he saw rise in her cheeks. True, the dress covered a bit more than he would have liked. The slightly scooped neck rested just below her collarbone, and the capped sleeves sat on the edges of her shoulders, but the material clung to her body in just the right way. The skirt was knee length, revealing only her smooth and muscular calves; her heels brought her height just above his. He lingered over long behind her chair as his eyes took everything in. With a slight clearing of his throat, he walked over to his workbench on the side of the room and turned on some quiet music – a lone Spanish guitar. When he came back, he had two filled wine glasses in his hands, which he sat down before joining her at the table. As he removed the make shift covers from the dishes, he announced each one with pride.

“For this evening’s meal, I present Vega’s Abuela’s Home Cooked Comforts. First, a classic, arroz con pollo, with honest to goodness synthesized chicken. Next, a little sweet tomalito. On the side, abuela’s handmade tortillas. For dessert…a surprise for later.” He ended by patting a final covered dish with a grin. Shepard stared at the genuine feast set before her.

“You…you made all of this? On the ship?” James beamed across the table at her.

“I did indeed, belleza. I scoured the Citadel for some of these ingredients, though I’m sorry to report I couldn’t find real chicken. My abuela would scold me for soiling her recipe, but it can’t be helped. She never had to cook on a starship.” Shepard let out a quiet laugh that quickened James’s heartbeat. Hearing her laugh was a rare blessing. “Well, let’s dig in, Lola.” He allowed Shepard to serve herself first, then piled food onto his own plate. As he chewed his first bite, he nodded with satisfaction, content that the dish had come out as well as expected with the ingredients he had available. He glanced across at Shepard, who had the most beautiful smile on her face, even as she rather indelicately shoveled the food into her mouth. They ate in silence, thrilled to be eating something more than the basic food stuffs the Alliance provided their ships. When their plates had been cleaned, Shepard broke the silence.

“So. You mentioned dessert?” James broke into laughter. She looked so happy sitting there, a good meal in her belly, and the promise of something delicious to come. She screwed her face up into a cross between a glare and a pout, which only made him laugh harder. Growing impatient, she gave him a kick under the table. He grunted in surprise, but managed to regain his composure. She’d removed her shoes at some point during the dinner, so he was spared the sharp point of the stiletto heel.

“All right, Lola, all right.” He smiled and removed the cover of the final dish. Underneath sat two beautifully caramelized custards, one for each of them. Shepard let out a small gasp of surprise.

“Why, James, I had no idea you were such a master chef.” He blushed, which brought a triumphant grin to her face, cleared his throat, and divided the custards onto small plates, setting one before Shepard before settling down into his seat with his own. Shepard startled him, nearly causing him to drop his utensil, by letting out a small moan as she slid the first bite into her mouth. “Oh…it just melts….” 

“Yeah, uh…thanks, Lola. I’m glad you like it.” He cleared his throat and took his own first bite, but he was too distracted by the surreally sensual way Shepard was savoring each bite of flan to properly taste it himself. He had to create a diversion.

“So, Lola. What do you think you’ll do once this whole war is over with?” Shepard blinked at him, her hand frozen halfway to her mouth.

“When it’s over?” she repeated, surprised by his question. There was too much going on in the present for her to have given the idea much thought. She set the scoop of flan back down onto its plate with a soft clack. “I…hadn’t really thought about it. Not yet. A nice long vacation would be nice….” James chuckled softly.

“That’s not what I meant, Lola. I mean after. In the future.” He watched her tilt her head and glance off at nothing in particular as she thought. 

“I’m not sure. My life has been nothing but this war for a long time. What about you, James? What are your plans for the future?” James didn’t have to ponder long before answering, clearly having given this subject some thought. 

“Well, I imagine there will be some clean up right after. Wiping out the Reaper stragglers. Lots of rebuilding. The Normandy will be busy for a while, and I don’t plan to leave her. But eventually, I’d like to settle down somewhere. On Earth, so I can show my kids and grandkids the land we fought to take back.” Shepard was silent for a moment, then took a sip of wine, hiding her face partially behind the glass when she finally spoke. 

“Oh. I see. Well, that’s something nice to look forward to, James. I wish you all the best.” James stared at her, confused by her suddenly flat voice and the shadowing of her features. 

“You wish me all the best? Lola, I…. Am I that stupid? I thought you and me….” He trailed off as she looked away. Shepard was quickly growing uncomfortable with the conversation, though he couldn’t pin point why. He had thought they were making progress. She’d finally talked things out with Alenko. They were stealing kisses on every deck. She had found solace in his arms over the deaths of her friends. The thought that she might be toying with him flared his Latin temper. “Shepard, are you fucking with me?” He immediately regretted his harsh tone when she turned back to him, eyes pained and close to tears. 

“James, you can’t have that dream with me,” she spoke softly with a sad smile. 

“What? What do you…I don’t…. What’s that supposed to mean?” he spluttered, trying to comprehend her actions and words. 

“Miranda told me once,” she began in a quiet, strained voice, “that despite her personal feelings toward me, she had wanted more than anything to give me the ability to bear a child, since she could not. But there are some things you just can’t replace.” James’s eyes went wide as he realized what she was saying, then he silently cursed himself.

“Lola…oh, girl….” He got up from his seat and went over to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind. “I’m sorry, Shepard. I never should have assumed.... It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter.” He planted a gentle kiss on her temple. “I just want to be with you, OK? You understand, yeah? If you can put up with an idiot like me.” Shepard raised a hand and lightly squeezed his arm, then leaned her head into the soft leather covering it. 

“James, it’s OK. I’ll understand, so you don’t have to-” 

“Lola!” James growled slightly with frustration as he interrupted her. “No, you don’t understand.” He grabbed hold of her shoulders and pulled her up out of her chair, spun her around, and smothered her lips with a passionate kiss. His arms wrapped around her, crushing her body against his. Shepard gasped for air when their lips finally parted, but did not attempt to pull away. She didn’t speak, either, but instead laid her ahead against his chest. He could feel the heat of her breath through his shirt, and her hands slowly slipping inside his jacket as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He took one of his own hands and lifted her face so he could plant a series of gentler kisses on her lips. As his tongue teased her, Shepard let out a soft whimper, which he took as a cue to part her lips and deepen their kiss. Her arms squeezed tightly around his waist, and Vega broke the kiss to trail his lips across her jaw line. Shepard’s breath quickened as he kissed her earlobe and moved on to her neck. Soft at first, his kisses soon became hungry, and he found that the sleeves and collar of her dress were in his way. He grabbed hold of the sleeves and gave the garment a few tugs, revealing her shoulders and the top swell of her breasts. He grazed his teeth along the newly exposed skin, eliciting a pleasurable moan from Shepard, followed by her hands moving to his chest, where they pushed against him, breaking their embrace. 

“James…that’s enough…” she panted, trying to regain control of her body. He blinked at her in surprise, hands still gripping the fabric of her dress.

“What?” She looked away from him, a blush of embarrassment darkening her already flushed cheeks. 

“I think…we should call it a night.” She took a few steps back and he released her, though he remained confused.

“I don’t understand.” Shepard readjusted her dress as she gathered her thoughts.

“And I don’t have to explain myself. James, let’s not ruin this perfect evening, OK?” He blinked at her, confused and dejected. 

“All right. Yeah. Whatever you want, Commander.” James held his hands up in defeat, and Shepard winced as he used her rank to address her, something he rarely did these days. She could tell he was hurt, but it wasn’t something she wished to discuss with him at present. Their date had been wonderful, but she wasn’t ready to give him more. She’d lost two very dear friends in quick succession. She’d only just had a very serious talk with Kaidan about their past relationship, and he’d been the last man she’d slept with, over three years ago. She didn’t want to jump into bed with James thinking that she was using him to alleviate her grief, or as a replacement for what she’d lost during the two years she’d been dead. He deserved more, and she wanted to be sure she could give everything over to him without regret. With a sigh, she turned to go.

“Thank you, James. It really was a lovely dinner.” James watched her go, and when the elevator door closed behind her, let out a string of curses in Spanish. He wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, but decided that he must have screwed up somewhere. With a sigh of irritation, he turned to the table to start cleaning up, and noticed Shepard’s shoes beneath the table. The image of her standing in them entered his head, and he couldn’t seem to get it to leave. He was going to need a cold shower tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a different ending to this originally, but wasn't happy with it, so I rewrote it. But I've been including the original ending everywhere else, so here you go:
> 
>  
> 
> “James, this…this was such a wonderful evening. Perfect. And I’ve seen a whole new side of you tonight, which I’m so happy you showed to me. But…. So much has been going on lately. I’m sorry, James, I’m just…I’m not ready for that, yet.” James chewed his lip, clearly disappointed.
> 
> “But you do want to, right?” Shepard’s eyes snapped back to him, her face immediately apologetic.
> 
> “Of course! Just…not tonight. Can you give me some time? It’s…well, it’s been a few years for me, you know?” James looked at her in confusion for a moment, until what she said dawned on him. The last time she’d slept with someone had been with the Major, at least three years ago. He trusted that she’d moved on from him, but he also knew it hadn’t been easy. He groaned and mumbled a Spanish curse under his breath. This woman could face down a horde of Ravagers, but her heart was as fragile as anyone else’s. And of course he knew that already, after the Salarian and the Drell. He’d been careless, as usual. 
> 
> “All right, belleza.” He reached out to touch her face, and when she did not draw back, slowly leaned in and brushed her lips with a light kiss. She smiled at him, which drew out a smile of his own. “I’ll say goodnight then, yeah?” 
> 
> “Yes. Goodnight, James. And thank you. It really was an amazing evening.”


	6. Rewards for Rannoch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worried about Shepard after the stress and emotional whirlwind of the events on Rannoch, James decides to check up on her. (Warning, smut ahead.)

At around 21:00, the elevator doors opened up onto the loft and Lieutenant James Vega stepped off, a pair of heels dangling from his fingers. It had been a rough twenty-four hours. Commander Shepard had allowed Legion to connect her into the Geth consensus, and she’d come out looking exhausted, but with a new strength of resolve for handling the situation around Rannoch. Even so, getting the Quarians and the Geth to agree to stop their fighting and work together had taxed the limits of her negotiating skills. She’d barely managed to convince the Quarian fleet to call off its attack. Tali had been shaken to her core when Shepard told Legion to upload the Reaper code to the other Geth, straining their years of friendship and nearly ending it. He was concerned, but she’d been ignoring him on the ship ever since their date the other night, so he hadn’t had a chance to really talk to her. But someone needed to check on her. Sometimes he wondered if the rest of the crew thought she was some sort of robot, or that her heart was encased in ice that never cracked or melted. 

He entered the cabin, and immediately heard the shower running in the bathroom. Not wanting to startle her, he walked over to the door, intending to call through it to let her know he was there. As he neared the door, it flew open, revealing a naked Shepard barely hidden by the shower’s steam. She’d forgotten to activate the lock. The shoes slipped from his fingers and clattered onto the floor.

“Damn….” Startled by the sudden invasion, Shepard spun around.

“James!” She grabbed for her towel and quickly covered herself the best she could. “What are you doing here? Leave, immediately.” James stood rooted to the floor, unable to tear his eyes away. 

“Do I have to?” Blushing furiously, Shepard reached for her shampoo bottle and threw it with surprising force, hitting him on the head, where a small trickle of blood began to form. Coming to his senses, James lifted a hand to touch the wound, then stared unbelievingly at the blood on his fingertips. “Yeah…yeah, OK.” He slowly backed away and the door slid shut, cutting off the curses coming from the other side, and made his way to the couch near the room’s bed. Less than a minute had passed when he heard the bathroom door slide open again, and through the glass model ship cabinet he could see Shepard in a navy robe, gathering something from a drawer in her desk. Her bare feet padded down the short staircase, and as she grew closer, the lighting played on the wet sheen of her legs and arms poking out from the robe, having rushed out of the bathroom without drying off properly. As she plopped down on the couch next to him, droplets from her wet hair fell all around her, and the scent of her shampoo wafted up into his nostrils. She leaned forward and placed a white box on the table, and opened it to reveal a basic first aid kit. In silence, she cleaned his hand, wiped the blood trail from his face, cleaned the area with an antiseptic cloth, and placed a band aid over the small wound she had given him. He stared at her face as she did this, watching her concentrate on what was probably unnecessary first aid as if she were cleaning a bullet wound. When she leaned down to put everything away, her robe shifted over her chest, and when she rose she found Vega’s eyes glued to the flesh that had been newly exposed. It took everything he had not to reach out and touch her, though it helped that Shepard quickly pulled the robe shut again.

“I’m sorry I threw something at you. Was there something you wanted?” She was flustered by the way he was looking at her, but irritated that he’d walked in on her, so her words came out harsher than they should have. James sighed and shifted slightly away from her on the couch, trying to control his impulses. 

“I just came up to check on you. I was worried. Can’t someone worry about you for a change?” She shifted uncomfortably, her hands clenching her robe shut.

“What could you possibly be worried about?” James opened his mouth to speak, shut it, huffed in frustration, then tried again.

“For fuck’s sake, Lola. The fates of two races were resting on your shoulders just a couple hours ago. It’s a heavy burden, even for you. Especially for you.” Shepard stared at him. Normally no one bothered to “check on” her. Even James had only previously simply walked in at the right time, finding her an emotional wreck in progress. Never had he directly come to inquire about her well being before. He’d already seen her at her weakest, however; this little front she was putting up now was rather pointless, though she couldn’t quite bring herself to tear it down, all the same. Lost in her thoughts, she failed to notice James’s hand reach out to her face until she felt his warmth seep into her damp skin. “Lola?” His face had come closer, too, and she found herself staring into his hazel eyes, filled with concern for her. The walls began to fall.

“It’s all right, James. I’m fine, really. They’re all alive, and now they can build a new world together. Helping two long standing enemies come together like that…. It’s all worth it. Every drop of sweat, every ounce of blood. Don’t you think so?” He watched her carefully, listened closely to her even voice, searching for any hint that the burden was overwhelming her. Aside from looking downright exhausted, he heard a touch of pride, saw a glint of hope in her eyes. 

“Of course I do. But I’m going to worry anyway when it’s your sweat and blood falling to the ground.” She nodded, the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips, and leaned back into the couch with a sigh, closing her eyes. Seeing her finally relax a bit, James cautiously slipped an arm behind her shoulders, and was relieved when she shifted to allow the movement. He was encouraged more when she leaned slightly into his side, resting her head on his shoulder, but he held himself in check, not wanting to scare her off again. However, when she had shifted nearer to him, her robe had shifted as well, giving him a nice view of her thighs. With his other hand, he slowly reached out to test the waters, letting his fingers lightly touch the slick skin of her upper thigh. Shepard gasped, and, predictably, grew tense at his side. He tilted his head down and whispered near her ear. “Lola, relax. I’ll go slow, OK? And I promise to stop if you don’t like it.” She chewed her lower lip for a moment, and he worried she would push him away again. 

“Just…just remember that this body’s been frozen, charred, and rebuilt. I was up and shooting guns before my wounds had fully healed when I woke up in that Cerberus lab. I’ve been shot at, nearly blown up, and almost eaten by a thresher maw since. My body isn’t as beautiful as you think it is.” James chuckled softly, surprised by the admission of this insecurity. He took her hand, raised it to his face, and pressed her fingers into the scar along his cheek. 

“Lola, we all have scars. And there’s even more where people can’t see. I’d want you even if I could see those, too.” The small smile she gave him made his heart flutter.

“You’re remarkably poetic sometimes, James.” James smiled, lowered his hand back down, and danced his fingers along her thigh.

“I’m better with my hands.” Shepard shivered slightly, and as his rough fingers slowly caressed her skin, she gradually relaxed, though she buried her face into his chest so he could not see the heat rising in her face. Taking his time, he gradually moved his hand up her thigh, chuckling as she clutched onto his shirt as he neared her hip. “Lola, you better rein that excitement in or you won’t make it to the really good parts. Ow!” She had given one of his nipples a hard pinch in response to his teasing. “If that’s the way you want it….”

The hand around her shoulders squeezed her in closer as he slipped his hand down the front of her robe. His fingers traced her collar bone, eliciting a quiet gasp of surprise from Shepard, before he stretched them down to lightly caress the top of her left breast. Meanwhile, his other hand slid across her lower abdomen, the tips of his lower fingers brushing against her hair. Shepard inhaled sharply and gripped his shirt, twisting the material in her fingers. Already tight around his large muscles, the material didn’t hold when he slid a finger inside her. Her body shuddered, her hands tightened, and there was a quiet ripping noise. Wide eyes darted up at him.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I did-Ah!” He interrupted her apology by wriggling his finger inside her.

“Lola, it’s just a shirt, and it’s not a bad way to destroy one.” He grinned down at her flushed face, which she immediately buried back into his chest in embarrassment. The rip wasn’t very big, but it was enough to allow her hot breath to touch his skin directly, and he let out a contented sigh. Her still wet body should have been cold, but his hands seemed to stoke a furnace inside her, and the heat from his own body, as she pressed against his side, warmed her further. The finger of the hand below slowly stroked her inner walls, as the other peeled her robe aside and brushed against her breast. All of his movements were slow and careful, as he had promised, but the pleasure she felt from such simple stimulation surprised her. Her body trembled as she tried to control herself, afraid to give herself over to long forgotten passion. “Hey, Lola,” he called to her in a husky whisper. She tilted her head up, and was rewarded with a soft kiss. His upper hand gently massaged her breast as he continued to press his warm lips to hers. Slowly, as his soft kisses drew out a quiet moan, her body relaxed and she leaned back into his arm, her own arms falling limply to her sides. Smiling against her lips, James slowly slid another finger inside her, and she gasped as the two fingers probed within, searching for the spots that made her shiver and moan. Very carefully James adjusted their positions, and laid Shepard down on the couch, then tugged open her robe with his free hand and brushed its folds out of the way. His eyes traveled over her exposed body. 

“I don’t see anything here but a beautiful woman,” he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her neck. The press of his lips to her neck made her moan quietly, but when his thumb curled up to tease the bundle of sensitive nerves she had almost forgotten about, she cried out loudly. James grinned and nibbled her neck, moving his other hand back to her breast, where he grazed his fingers across her hard nipple. He trailed kisses down her neck, over her collarbone, and then ran the tip of his tongue across the swell of her other breast. She squirmed on the couch, her hips lifting up, shifting the fingers inside her, causing them to press against a spot that made her cry out without reservation. 

“Ah! Oh…oh god….” Her hands reached for his shoulders, fingers digging into the hard muscle. Licking one nipple while rolling the other between his fingers, James worked his other hand against her, sliding his fingers in and out, pressing his thumb to her pulsing nub. Breathing hard now, Shepard’s legs stretched out, tense to the tips of her toes, and her stomach grew taut. With a buck of her hips and a shout, her body trembled with release. As she sunk back into the couch, panting and moaning softly as the pleasure slowly ebbed away, he slid his fingers out and wiped them on a corner of her robe. He kissed her forehead, then her panting lips, before sitting up with a grin. 

“I told you I was good with my hands.” He traced random patterns on her stomach with a finger, watching her muscles twitch under the still sensitive skin. He was more aware of his own pulsing desire now that he was no longer focused on her, an obvious bulge in his pants that he couldn’t hide. Fortunately, Shepard was still lying on the couch, eyes closed, indulging in her heightened tactile senses as he caressed her skin. He looked around the room, anywhere but at her, and took several slow, deep breaths to calm himself down. Tonight had been for her; his own desires could wait. “How do you feel?” She slowly blinked her eyes open at him. 

“Mmmm…good…sleepy….” He smiled, stood up, and gently lifted her off the couch, letting the robe slip off her and onto the floor. A few steps around the furniture, and he deposited her onto her bed, then pulled the blanket up over her. 

“Then you should get some sleep.” He brushed off the damp hair stuck to her face and brushed her lips with his thumb before pulling away, having pushed the limits of his self control far enough for one night. Her eyes were already closing, her breath slowing, as he turned to leave the room, flipping off the various lights on his way out. “Good night, Lola.”


	7. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Thessia, James pays Shepard a visit to help take her mind off her failure on the planet. (Warning: smut ahead.)

There was a heavy silence on the shuttle as it flew back to the Normandy from Thessia’s surface. Liara sat in the back of the shuttle, eyes closed, body straight and rigid, unmoving even with the slight turbulence. Shepard sat primly in the passenger seat next to Cortez, eyes staring out the window as the Reapers descended to the planet’s surface. Cortez hadn’t spoken a word since they had climbed onto the shuttle and he’d OK’d Shepard’s order to leave. James stood near the shuttle’s center, one hand wrapped in a support strap, eyes glued to the back of Shepard’s seat. No one spoke until Cortez quietly informed Joker they were pulling into the Normandy. When the shuttle door opened, James walked off first. Garrus and Tali were waiting and rushed over to him, the Turian grabbing his arm and demanding to know what had happened on the planet. James quietly filled them in as his eyes drifted over to the shuttle. Liara stepped off next, and walked stiffly to the elevator without speaking to anyone. Garrus turned his head to follow her, even as James continued his report. When Cortez exited the shuttle by himself, a pained expression on his face, James cut his conversation with the Turian and Quarian off, and hurried back to the shuttle. 

“Lola?” He climbed back inside and moved to the front of the shuttle, finding her still seated. “Hey, Shepard?” He jerked back as she stood up suddenly, and as he reached out to her, she pushed past him and exited the shuttle, followed soon after by the confused lieutenant. As she waited for the elevator to return, Garrus stepped up beside her. 

“I think you should talk to T’Soni. She didn’t look so good.” Shepard sighed. She wanted to ask him why he didn’t go talk to her himself, but she knew it had to be her. It always had to be her. She lifted up a weary hand and placed it on his shoulder.

“All right, Garrus. I’ll go check on her.” The Turian nodded and stepped back, allowing Shepard to enter the elevator by herself. James, who’d been having a quick word with Cortez, trudged up next to him. 

“She say anything to you?”

“Not really. She’s going to go speak with T’Soni.” He let out a gravely sigh and punched the button to return the elevator. “I think I’ll go check on Tali,” the Turian muttered. “I could swear she mumbled something about heading to the crew lounge for some reason….” James nodded, rubbing the back of his neck as he gathered his thoughts, decided he couldn’t leave Shepard alone with hers. He hurried to remove his armor, and dug out an OSD from a gear bag near his work bench, which he shoved into a pocket. It was his turn to wait on the elevator, which he rode up to the loft, where he waited for Shepard to return. Several minutes passed as he leaned up against the wall outside her cabin, waiting for the elevator to open. When it finally opened about fifteen minutes later, he straightened up and worked up a smile to greet her with. 

“Hey, Lola. Got something for ya.” James reached into his pocket and pulled out the small OSD. “They were giving out copies of the new Blasto movie to Citadel refugees. I won a download code off someone in a poker game. I figured we could watch it together.” 

“James, now is really not the time….” Her face, still dusty from their quick escape, betrayed her exhaustion, and her words fell dully, as she walked past him and keyed open the cabin door. Set in his task, James followed her inside and busied himself with setting up her computer on the small table next to the couch. She ignored his presence at first as she stowed away her armor, but grew slightly annoyed when she turned to find him seated comfortably on the couch. “James, I’m really not in the mood for whatever is going on here.” Unperturbed, James patted the bit of empty couch next to him.

“Well, that’s really too bad, because I’ve heard this film is fantástico. Why don’t you come over here and watch it with me?” Shepard’s eyes slit in irritation. She was entirely too exhausted to play his games this time. 

“What do you want? Why are you here?” She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped a foot impatiently, anxious for him to leave so she could write her report and drink enough ryncol to knock her out until the next mission. If there was even going to be a next mission. James sighed, but didn’t budge. 

“Look, I just…I just don’t think you should be alone right now. So I thought I’d come up here and get your mind off things, maybe blow off some steam, I don’t know.” Shepard let out a dry, dead laugh that made him wince. 

“You don’t think I should be alone, huh? And why is that? You afraid I’m going to cry all alone again? Hurt myself because I fucked up? Maybe blow myself out the air lock and rid everyone of this walking disaster?” She could see his eyes darken in pain and anger, but she didn’t care. She expected him to rant and rave at her. She wanted him to. Instead, he seemed to contemplate her quietly before finally speaking again. 

“I don’t want you to fade away, Lola. I’ve seen it happen. Hell, it happened to me. Anderson pulled me out. And now I’m here to make sure it doesn’t happen to you.” Shepard stared at him, her emotions wavering in her exhaustion, which also made it all too easy to run her mouth without thinking.

“So you’re my babysitter? Well, I’m a grown woman, James. I don’t need one.” She turned and headed to her desk, hoping he’d give up and leave.

“What? No! Dammit….” He hurried after her, grabbed her arm, and turned her to face him. “Why can’t you just shut up and let me in here?” He pressed his free hand over her heart. Shepard opened her mouth to argue, but her words were silenced as he smothered her mouth with a hard kiss. When their lips parted, she stared at him as her tired mind waged a fruitless war. She wanted to be left alone, to deal with things her own way, but she knew James wouldn’t relent. And as his hand gently rubbed her arm while he waited patiently for her to respond, she realized a part of her wanted him to stay. The problem was, as usual, that she felt uncomfortable and weak asking for help, or admitting that his presence filled her lonely soul with warmth. The other problem was that she was just too drained to come up with an excuse to push him away. 

“Fine,” she acquiesced with a sigh. “Let’s watch your damn movie. Just let me clean up a little first.” James nodded and let her go, and she disappeared into the bathroom. He settled himself back down on the couch, and in a few moments she reemerged, face and hands slightly reddened from scrubbing the grime away. She begrudgingly walked over to the couch and dropped down next to him. She didn’t speak, so James went ahead and started the movie. As the opening titles ran, he frowned at how stiffly she sat next to him. However, as Blasto made his entrance, he could swear she was biting back a smile, a slight crinkle at the corners of her eyes. As the movie continued, she slowly relaxed bit by bit, the corners of her mouth eventually twitching up slightly, silent laughter shaking her shoulders. Cautiously he slipped his arm around her shoulders; smiled as she leaned against him. About halfway through the movie, she began laughing out loud, and he along with her, the tension at last gone. To his surprise, she even curled her legs up onto the couch and snuggled against him, with an arm loosely wrapped around his waist. When the end credits began to roll, she tilted her head up and gave him a tired but relaxed smile. “Thanks, James.”

“Anytime, Lola.” He smiled back at her, then cupped her chin in his free hand and placed a gentle kiss to her lips. “Anything else I can do for you?” He grinned and rubbed his thumb along her jaw line.

“I wouldn’t mind a few more of those....” He chuckled and obliged, placing several more kisses to her lips. When her arm tightened slightly around his waist, he grew bolder, and tilted her head to kiss along her jaw, stopping to slide the tip of his tongue along her earlobe, testing how far he’d be allowed to go. She gasped, and her body tensed, though not in the way it did when she would pull away from him the times before. This time she pressed against him, so close she was nearly in his lap. A sound of contentment rumbled through his chest as he squeezed his arm around her, his hand gripping and massaging her shoulder as he returned his lips to hers. As her breath grew hot, he slid a hand lightly down her side, brushing his fingers against her breast, and letting it come to rest on her hip. She moaned softly in response to his touch, then worked on pulling out a corner of his shirt, allowing her to slide her hand across the tight muscles of his stomach. It was his turn to let out a small moan, and he pressed his lips harder against hers. 

“Careful, Lola,” he mumbled against her lips. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that little hand of yours on those awesome muscles of mine.” He grunted as she punched his side. “Heh, hey now….” In retaliation, he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and bit down, roughly, though not enough to cause her injury. It was enough to cause her to moan and slide her tongue out to mock assess the damage, which he took advantage of by quickly clamping his mouth over hers and wrapping his tongue around her own. As he licked and sucked on her tongue, she ran her hand up his chest to trace his well formed pecs with her fingers, evoking a shiver. Wanting to feel more of her, he pulled up the undershirt she wore beneath her armor, and wrapped a large hand around the breast still hidden beneath her sports bra. She moaned against his lips, then suddenly pulled back slightly, yanking his shirt off. With a chuckle, he shifted to make it easier, but wouldn’t let her press back into him until he had removed her shirt as well. As she moved in to kiss his neck, he gently held her back. “Ah, just one more thing, Lola.” She grumbled, but held up her arms so he could remove the bra, letting her firm breasts hang freely. “Much better.” 

With a wolfish grin he pulled her back against him, relishing in the feel of her breasts pressed against his chest. She returned to her earlier purpose and pressed her lips to his neck, occasionally tracing her tongue along the lines of his tattoo. “Damn, Lola,” he growled out softly, arms tightening around her, pulling her towards his lap. He was trying to be patient for her, but when she nibbled on the skin where his neck met his shoulder, he moaned and lifted her up, easily setting her to straddle his lap. “I won’t be able to stop myself soon, so if you’re still not sure….” She pressed a hungry kiss to his lips that surprised him. 

“James, just shut that motor mouth of yours and put it to better use.” He laughed and squeezed his hands around her ass.

“You got it, Lola.” He immediately ducked his head down and buried it in her neck, kissing and sucking her flesh. She moaned and arched her back, causing her hips to rock forward, and she felt the heat radiating from inside his pants. James grunted, feeling her suddenly press against his erection. Sliding his hands under her thighs, he lifted her slightly so he could set his lips to her breasts, biting gently into the fatty flesh. He guided her legs around his waist and stood up carefully, his grip firm on her thighs, and carried her the few steps to the bed. He laid her out on the sheets, then knelt down on the floor between her legs. As he tugged her pants and underwear down, he kissed along her newly exposed legs, causing her to gasp and squirm on the mattress. 

“James…” she panted, “get up here….” Standing up with a grin, he slowly removed his own pants and underwear, taking his sweet time, and laughing as Shepard glowered at him from the bed. When he at last climbed up onto the bed next to her, and immediately slid a thick finger inside her, she cried out in surprise. James grinned and nipped at her collarbone as he stroked her inner walls with his finger, making her breath quicken and her body grow white hot. She moved a hand down and brushed trembling fingers against his hardened shaft, causing a low moan to escape his throat. Goaded by his response, she wrapped her fingers around him and began to move them slowly up and down.

“Goddamn, girl….” Smothering her lips with a hungry kiss, he slid another finger into her and pumped them in and out. Gasping loudly, she rocked her hips against his hand, then grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him toward her.

“James…” she whined with a moan, and he took the hint, sliding his fingers out and lifting himself on top of her to slide his throbbing desire into her instead. She trembled as he entered her, groaning as she felt a feeling she had not felt in years. Being connected like one being to a person she cared for, and who cared for her. As he shared the heat of his body with her, whispered into her ear how sexy he found her, and ran his hands all along her body, her vision blurred with emotion. She lifted her head up and kissed along his shoulder, wrapped her legs around his thighs. His hands moved underneath her, lifting up her hips slightly, the new angle eliciting a cry of pleasure from her lips as he hit a sensitive spot within her. As she felt her stomach tighten, she dug her fingers into his broad shoulders, and squeezed his thighs with her legs. James thrust hard and deep into her, eager to feel her orgasm, and growled against her throat as her muscles squeezed and trembled around him. He took her lips and swallowed her moans, then pumped faster as she continued to writhe beneath him. Moments later, he let out a loud groan as he felt his own release, and very nearly collapsed against her despite his strength as his whole body trembled in pleasure. Instead, he managed to carefully shift his weight beside her, sinking into the bed with one arm and leg draped over her body. Still breathing hard, he pulled her close and covered her neck in warm, gentle kisses. She moaned softly, a smile on her face as her breathing slowed to normal. Once his heartbeat returned to normal, or as normal as it could be while lying next to Shepard’s flushed and sweaty naked body, he ran a hand through her hair and whispered in her ear.

“You up for a good night’s sleep, Lola?” She turned to look at him, her eyes tired, but now filled with warmth instead of the cold and distant look they’d had when she walked off the Kodiak. 

“Mmm…I think I should take a shower first….” James tightened his arms around her and gave her a long kiss, smiling at the soft moan she let escape. 

“We can do that in the morning, yeah?” He grinned as she blinked at him, her tired mind slowly digesting what he’d said. When it sunk in, she blushed, but nodded in agreement.

“Yeah. In the morning.” He pulled the blanket up over them and she snuggled against him, hoping that the comfort of sleeping wrapped in his strong arms, and drifting off with the feelings he had awoken inside her, would indeed allow her to get a good night’s sleep for once, despite the day’s events. There was time enough for that tomorrow. Tonight, she would let James chase away her fears and failures, just for a little while. Just for one night of peace.


	8. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard ponders the meaning of her existence as the Normandy heads to Earth for the final confrontation against the Reapers. (Warning: Smut. Again.)

_“What am I? Am I real? Am I…me?”_

He had stood silently behind Shepard while she pondered the state of her existence. They had heard some…strange things from those Cerberus logs. He had wanted to say something, really, but he wasn’t very good with deep thoughts, or coming up with anything really meaningful on the spur of the moment. He was better at witty, meaningless banter. He had utterly failed to provide her any comfort as she stared blankly at the video screen. All he had managed was a hand on her shoulder, which only served to snap her back into action, pushing aside the emotional turmoil within. Following after her, he had silently cursed himself. _Useless. Inútil. Idiota. Cabrón._ But he knew he had to focus on completing the mission, so he’d pushed his emotions aside, as well. However, he’d had plenty of time to think on the shuttle, as Shepard talked quietly with Miranda over her omni-tool, discussing what they had found; while EDI blanked out and spooled information together; and he rode in the back, wincing slightly with each jostle of the shuttle from a particularly good kick Kai Leng had got in, sure he’d have a nasty bruise later. 

Now they were back on the ship, and Shepard, after a few simple orders, specifically an order to Joker to head straight for Earth, had trudged off to her cabin alone. Always alone. He wished she would come to him, but knew it wasn’t her style to show anyone any weakness, even him. If he wanted to get her to talk, or let him comfort her, he was going to have to go after her. He was going to have to convince her to open up, to give voice to her fears before she exploded from tamping them all down. That was her way, and he’d seen her fall apart because of it before, when she thought no one was watching. If she thought she was a machine, the surest sign that she wasn’t was the vulnerability that occasionally slipped through the cracks of the wall she buried everything behind. He understood, but he also knew that she tried to carry too much on her own. He didn’t want her to cry alone. Or to drink and drink hoping to forget everything, like he had once done. It didn’t work. Neither did forcing yourself to be strong. But if she wanted to put on the tough girl act in front of the crew, he didn’t care. As long as someone was around to support her when she struggled, to put her back together when she broke into pieces. James wanted to be that. To put faith in her when she needed it most, to pull her back from the abyss when she fell too far…like Anderson had done for him. Like his uncle had done before that. And so, after stowing his gear, with a frown over the new scuff marks where attacks had worn through his shields, he headed up to Shepard’s cabin.

When he entered the cabin, the unlocked door sliding open as he approached, he couldn’t see her at first glance. She didn’t appear to be in the room. Wondering if she’d already left during the time he was removing his armor, he turned to leave, and saw the bathroom door open. Shepard was standing in front of the sink, staring at the mirror. She hadn’t noticed his presence. He cleared his throat quietly, and her gaze slowly drifted over to see who had interrupted the silence. 

“Oh. James.” She forced some semblance of a smile onto her face. “Can I help you?”

“I wonder.” He stepped forward and leaned against the door frame, watching her carefully. “What are you looking at?” She blinked at him, confused by his question.

“Looking at? Just…making sure I got all the sweat and dust off my face.” 

“Uh huh. Would help if you turned the water on and gave it a rinse.” His voice and face remained serious, with not a hint of his usual joking manner. Shepard’s eyebrows pinched together and she frowned, realizing she’d been caught. 

“All right, so I hadn’t started yet,” she mumbled, as she reached out and turned on the faucet, only to stare down at the running water. James sighed and stepped into the bathroom, moving in to stand next to her. He reached down and turned off the water, then tapped the mirror to get her attention. 

“Look. What do you see?” Shepard sighed, but stared back at herself. Staring back at her was a woman, weary and haggard.

“I see a Commander who wishes her Lieutenant would make his point, if he has one.” James huffed in frustration. He placed a hand firmly on her shoulder, and pointed at her reflection with the other.

“That person in the mirror is Commander Shepard. The same Commander Shepard who took down Saren and Sovereign at the Citadel. The same Commander Shepard whom Admirals Anderson and Hackett have entrusted the fate of humanity to since day one. The same human woman who gained the respect of a Krogan who now speaks for his entire race. The same woman who uncovered the Reaper threat, who was shot down by a Collector ship, who destroyed that Collector ship. The woman who played card games with me while she waited for a court martial. Who danced with me in front of the whole crew in Purgatory. The woman who slept in my arms last night. They’re all the same person. They’re all Commander Shepard. And you are Commander Shepard.” 

She listened to his speech in silence, staring back at herself as he listed off her accomplishments. She remembered them all, but that didn’t mean much. Machines could be programmed. And why couldn’t the Illusive Man know all of those things? He seemed to know everything about her. So she said as much to James. He was silent for a moment, deep in thought, though his eyes stayed locked onto those of her reflection. 

“I don’t buy it, Lola. Even if he’d bugged the entire SR-1 without the Alliance knowing. There are certain things that are uniquely you, that people who know you would notice. Everyone has that. And I know the Major sees them. Scars sees them, too. And they’ve known you the longest, they’ve been the closest.” He slipped an arm around her waist, leaned in and breathed in her scent; sweat, gun smoke, and the faint lavender scent of her shampoo. “You’re real, Lola. You ain’t no machine. You’re warm.” His arm squeezed around her waist. “You’re soft.” He smiled. “And you smell like…cielo. Paraíso.”

Shepard smiled for real then, though it was small, and some of the tension left her body. James was fairly simple minded about things, but he really had a way with words sometimes. And somehow, he knew what she needed to hear. And never forgot to flirt a little to top it off. She watched his reflection, studied him for a moment; his warm and gentle eyes, the hint of a smile that curled his lips as he felt her mood shift. Being around him caused all of her walls to crumble. Or, well, opened a gate somewhere, at the very least. As he laid his cheek against her head, and his fingers lightly stroked her side, her mind drifted to their more intimate moments together, and the feelings he stirred inside her; she came to a realization, and the words came tumbling out. 

“James…when I’m…when I’m with you. When we’re together. I feel really alive. It’s the only time I’ve ever really felt that way. There’s a fire that ignites within me, a raging inferno coursing through my veins. It’s so…different, than being in the middle of a battle. The rush of adrenaline is different. Battle is so…conditioned, reflexive. It’s tactics, life-or-death decisions, quick thinking. I don’t feel entirely…human. There’s no time to be human. But more so now, since Cerberus…rebuilt me. I can tell they made some improvements. I feel like a machine out there. Too powerful, too fast. My reflexes are quicker, my body acts on its own. Huh…now I kind of understand what Thane was trying to tell me back then.” She grew quiet then, and her eyes became wet with the memory of the Drell, though she quickly blinked them clear as James’s voice stirred her from her thoughts. 

“You’ll have to tell me some time.”

“Hmm? Oh…yes…. It has to do with their souls being separate from their bodies, which can act independently. It’s interesting. It’s not entirely the same, but, I understand it better now.” She sighed and leaned against him, grateful for the warmth radiating from his body, the breath tickling her hair, the rumble of his deep voice in his chest. James was certainly alive. And though she would probably never admit it out loud, she was grateful he had come up to the loft to check in on her. She could have been standing in front of that mirror, silently staring back at herself, through the entire night. Trying to find something there. Something that James was already pointing out for her, and helping to clear her mind so she could realize it herself. She had told Kaidan once that James made her feel alive. She meant it. And she meant it now. James didn’t care so much about the barriers that had kept her and Kaidan from working out. In fact, he plowed right over them. “James….”

“Yeah, Lola?” He pulled back slightly to look down at her, as she tilted up her face to look at him. As she stretched up the short distance to bring her face closer to his. As she pressed soft lips to his own. His arm tightened around her waist as her lips lingered, and he hummed contentedly. “Mmmm…what was that for?”

“For being you.” She smiled and ran a hand across his broad chest, leaning in to kiss him again. 

“Hmm, well, I’ll have to do that more often, when I figure out how.” He chuckled softly, smiling against her lips, and shivered slightly as her fingers traced the outline of his pectorals beneath his shirt. He wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, but she was placing light kisses on his lips, his jaw, and down his neck, which were quickly befuddling his mind. “Uhmm…Lola….” He let out a heated sigh and pulled her against him, tilting his head as she nuzzled his neck, his free hand coming up to stroke her neck with a calloused thumb. She rested her head on his shoulder, her warm breath caressing his neck, and leaned against him. He moved his hand to her hair and gently held her head against him, while his other arm tightened its embrace. For several minutes they simply stood there, James holding her tightly to him, Shepard resting against him, listening to his heart pound in his chest. He was doing his best to comfort her how she wanted, but the kisses she had placed across his skin had gotten his blood boiling. After a while she stepped away from him, looked at herself in the mirror once more, and let out a sigh. Then she grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it up and over her head, tossing it out the bathroom door. James stared at her, eyes wide.

“Uh…Lola?” Without a word to him, Shepard pulled off her sports bra, undid her pants, and then slipped out of those, as well. He gulped as she stepped out of her underwear. “Uh…should I go, or…?” With a small smile and an inviting look in her eyes, she reached out for his hand and pulled him after her, stepping into the shower area of the room, and turning on the water. She shivered as the burst of cold hit her, though it quickly warmed up, and she pulled James into the spray. His eyebrows creased as the water soaked his clothes, but it seemed she was ready to remedy that, as her hands began to remove his shirt. He watched as she tossed it aside and moved her hands to his pants, and chewed his lip as she slid his pants and underwear off him with a few tugs. She tossed those aside as well, then slid up his body, the sensation of her hardening nipples along his skin warming him more than the water, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He felt his blood rush down as she pressed her wet body against him, making him grow hard. “Um…whoa…Lola, I….”

Shepard stretched up and kissed him once again. “Just shut up,” she murmured against his lips, “and help me clean up.” She bit down on his lower lip and he nearly lost it. With a quiet growl, he backed her up against the wall, pinning her against the cool metal with his body. The sudden cold of the metal on her back sent a shiver up her spine, but then a fire ran through her as she felt one of his thick fingers slide inside her. She gasped as his finger stroked her, and again as his other hand ran down her wet neck and gripped her shoulder, as his lips sucked her earlobe. Her fingers trailed down his body, outlining muscles, until they wrapped around his shaft, making him groan, and he pressed her shoulder into the wall, breathed hotly against her ear. 

“I thought you…wanted to clean up….” She whimpered softly as he slid another finger into her, and wrapped a leg around his thigh.

“The water’s on…isn’t it?” In response, James tilted his head back into the warm water, letting it pelt his face and run down his chest. It slipped between her fingers, letting her easily slide her hand along his erection. With a moan, he slowly returned upright and began pumping his fingers insider her earnestly. She softly cried out as he pressed his thumb against her sensitive nub of nerves and searched for the sensitive spot within her. She lost her grip on him and he moaned in protest, bit down on her shoulder in retaliation. With a cry of surprise, her hips jerked forward against his hand, and as he kissed and sucked on the injured skin, she tightened around his fingers and shuddered with release. Panting, Shepard leaned against the bathroom wall, letting her orgasm ebb out, as James removed his fingers and rinsed them in the warm water. During his momentary distraction, Shepard slid down the wall and grasped his thighs with her hands, pulling him close. He glanced down in time to watch her place warm lips on the tip of his erection, and his knees almost buckled as she slowly eased him into her mouth. 

“Ahh…carajo!” He quickly raised his hands and pressed them to the wall for balance, his heart beating almost as fast as the water thumping his back. As she twisted her tongue around him, she slowly slid her lips up and down. James let out several deep moans at the feel of her mouth around him, her soft tongue massaging his shaft. The vibrations from her occasional soft moans drove him wild, and he soon reached down a hand and tugged at one of her arms. “Lola…up here….” He groaned as she slowly slid her mouth off him and stood up, letting her body rub against him as she rose, a smile on her face as she licked the water and the salty flavor of him from her lips. “Dammit, Lola….” Wasting no more time, James grabbed her thighs and lifted her up with a slight grunt, pinning her to the wall with his hips, letting his throbbing erection rub against her warm entrance. He wrapped her legs around his waist and gripped her thighs tightly, and grabbed one of her hard nipples with his teeth, grinning at her pleasurable gasp as he flicked it with his tongue. “Hold on, Lola.” He pushed through her tight entrance and moaned as her warmth enveloped him. 

“Ahhh! Nnng….” She squirmed against the wall and brought her hands to his shoulders. His large arms did not need her help to support her weight, but he’d told her to hold on, and as he began pumping into her, she was glad she’d listened. The force of his thrusts was moving her body against the wall, and she struggled to hang onto him. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and leaned her head forward, pressing it into the side of his face, her hot panting tickling his ear. His mouth kissed at her collarbone, teeth grazing her flushed skin. “James….” She breathed out his name and he pushed harder, deeper, slamming her into the wall. She cried out at the force and he quickly shifted her weight, allowing him to slip his arms behind her back as a buffer. Lifting up his head, he captured her lips as he quickened his pace, slipped his tongue in and tangled it with hers. Her limbs tightened around him and her inner walls squeezed against him, and she moaned against his lips as her body shuddered with another orgasm. As her muscles contracted around him, he gave one final, hard thrust, and climaxed with a heave of his body and a loud shout. For several moments, James held her in his arms as they both panted in the steam filled bathroom. Then James carefully set Shepard back on her feet, and kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her lips. 

“Think you’re clean enough, yet?” He smiled and brushed her wet hair from her face. Taking his hand, she pressed it against her face and smiled in return.

“I think I need a few minutes. Can you wait in the room? Ah…your clothes are….” Her eyes searched for his clothes, which were in a sopping wet heap on the floor. He followed her gaze and let out a chuckle.

“It’s fine, I’ll go lay them out to dry with yours.” After a lingering, gentle kiss, he drew away from her, gathered up the wet clothes and a nearby towel, and walked out of the bathroom. Shepard smiled after him, thankful that he’d been there to save her from herself once again. When she left the bathroom a few minutes later, a towel wrapped around her body, she found James lying in the bed, likely nude, as all of his clothes were laid out on the nearby table along with hers. He was leaning back against a pillow, arms behind his head, head nodding, and eyes drooping. Laughing softly, she had to agree that he had the right idea; a good rest wouldn’t be so bad right now. She might even be able to sleep after their conversation and love making in the bathroom. Love making. She blushed a little at the thought as she neared the bed. Hearing her approach, James’s eyelids raised slightly.

“Lola….” He shifted in the bed and held out an arm for her to join him. She dropped the towel onto the floor, which elicited a small, sleepy grin from the man in her bed, and climb under the sheets next to him, snuggling into his side. The muscular, outstretched arm wrapped around her and held her close. There was safety and peace in his strong embrace; she was sleeping a bit better on nights he slept in the loft with her. She worried his presence might become a crutch, but as the Normandy headed back to Earth, she didn’t care. She wanted some safety and peace before they all walked back into hell.


	9. Precipice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James stays behind and watches as Shepard makes the final run to the Citadel beam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains some spoilers for the end of ME3, but not for the EC DLC. I wrote this before that came out, and in any case, head canon endings ftw.

They stood on the top of the hill, looking down on the home stretch, waiting for the assault team to form up. The beam was so close, maybe a couple hundred yards away. That beam would take them straight to the Citadel, where they could activate the Catalyst and finally destroy the Reapers. A couple hundred yards stood between them and ending this war. No Man’s Land had been brutal; the hardest fight since plowing through a wave of brutes to get Mordin to the tower on Tuchanka with a massive Reaper trying to shoot them. Not just hard, but worse. The Reapers had swarmed over them, trying to stop them from activating the missile. They had pushed through a sea of husks and cannibals, Shepard using her omni-tool blade to thrust them aside, as James made generous use his shotgun and Javik slammed groups of husks into crumbling walls. Garrus had sniped what he could from a safe (relatively speaking) vantage point, but there were just too many for him to be very effective. Now they stood on the final precipice, all their hopes pinned on what they would find on the other end of the beam. 

Shepard stood stiffly, assault rifle gripped in white-knuckled hands. She was covered in sweat, dirt, blood (some of it her own), and bits of Reaper flesh. Her eyes were glued to the beam; she knew she had to make it there, that nothing else mattered. She just had to get that far, activate the weapon, or whatever was up there, and everything would be over. As he walked up next to her, James could see her lips moving slightly, and just barely hear her mumbling unintelligibly over the sounds of surrounding battle. From the few words he managed to catch, she seemed to be psyching herself up, focusing herself on her objective. Something he’d never seen her do before. It worried him; she looked exhausted, like she was only standing there by sheer willpower. Maybe she was. He placed a hand on her shoulder, felt her trembling slightly.

“Hey, Lola. You all right?” He kept his voice low so the soldiers around them wouldn’t hear. When she didn’t answer right away, he wondered if he’d spoken too quietly. Then she turned to look at him, glanced at his hand on her shoulder like she hadn’t noticed it was there, and then turned hardened eyes back up at him. Her mood had suddenly shifted; she was up to something.

“James. I want you to stay here.” His eyes nearly bulged out of his head. That, he did not expect. 

“You…what?” Her gaze remained firm, and she lifted his hand off her shoulder. 

“That’s an order, Lieutenant.” He spluttered and swore several times, staring at her incredulously. 

“I’m sorry, Commander, but I’m gonna have to refuse to obey that order. Are you insane? What makes you think I’m going to stay here while you run into that mess down there? You think I’m going to let you go in alone? That’s bullshit!” He was yelling by the end, and they were drawing attention. Shepard glared at him.

“Shut up,” she hissed. “You’re making a scene.”

“You’re damn right I am. What the hell, Shepard? I know you trust me to watch your back.” He paused, watching as her face shifted just slightly, her mask almost breaking. “Don’t tell me you want me to stay behind so I don’t get hurt. That ain’t gonna fly, Lola. I didn’t sign up to sit on the side lines. And I ain’t sleeping with you to get out of the fight.” Shepard’s eyes went wide, her face flushed beneath the grime, and she grabbed his arm roughly, dragging him off to some corner of moderate privacy. Which became more private as any nearby soldiers scattered when they saw the enraged look on her face. She spun around to face him.

“Dammit, James! Just do what I say!” He advanced on her, but she stood her ground, staring defiantly up at him. 

“It’s loco, Lola! Why the hell do you want me to stay behind? You need me down there!” 

“No! I need you here! I-!” Her mouth snapped shut before she finished her thought, her emotions beginning to run away from her as they yelled at each other. “Dammit….” She huffed in frustration, and turned away from him to look down at the battle field below. “Why can’t you just obey orders?” 

“I would if they made any sense! What the hell do you mean, you need me here? I need to be by your side, keeping those Reapers off your ass! We’re going to push through to that beam and send those Reapers back where they came from! Do not bench me over some stupid-” 

“I need you to stay here so I come back!” She shouted at him as she turned to face him again, her face contorting under her effort to keep her stoic mask in place. James blinked at her, dumbfounded.

“You…what do you mean? So you come back? What kind of joke is that?” He watched as she closed her eyes, struggling to maintain her composure. When she opened them, they were wet with emotion; when she spoke, it was just loud enough for him to hear. 

“If I go in there…when I go in there…I don’t know what I’m going to find. I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I…I need to know that you’ll be here, waiting for me. So that no matter what happens, I remember to come back. To come back…to you.” He stared at her, momentarily speechless as her words sunk in, as he slowly began to understand what she wanted to tell him. She took his silence as continued stubbornness. “Don’t make me shoot you in the knee.” James watched her adjust her SMG, knew she’d make good on her threat. 

“Yeah…. Yeah, all right, Lola. OK. I’ll stay here. You just be sure you come back. Don’t make me regret staying behind.” She nodded, satisfied, and looked past him at the soldiers getting ready to make the run to the beacon. 

“Well, it’s nearly time. You help Garrus watch our backs, OK?” The assault troops were mobilizing, but she stood still, staring past him, unable to move. Truly terrified for one of the first times in her life. Because for one of the first times, there was no real plan, the solution was unknown; everything was a great big chance, based on things they didn’t even understand. No one knew for sure if this would work, but all their hopes were pinned on the Crucible. No one knew for certain what it would do, or if it would even do anything at all. Suddenly she felt a warm arm slip around her, pull her close.

“Hey…Lola….” His gruff voice called out to her, and her gaze shifted. Then his lips crushed hers in a desperate kiss. He pulled back and looked into her eyes; she saw all of his emotions directed at her, only for her. Her mind cleared. “I’ll be waiting. Right here.” He kissed her again, tenderly this time, and then released her. “Go kick some Reaper ass.” She gave him a weary smile, touched her fingers gently to his face, then walked off without another word. 

James made his way toward Garrus’s position, where he found an SMG with an attached scope waiting for him, next to a small pile of heatsinks. The Turian was already crouched to the ground, sniper rifle in position. Garrus greeted him with a gravely “Lieutenant,” and immediately set to scanning the field below them. James quickly took position as well, and searched through the amassing group of soldiers for Shepard. If she was going to make him stay behind, he would watch her back as best he could from up there. He wouldn’t let her leave his sight. He trained his scope on her, and as the soldiers began to move, followed her across the field, doing what he could to keep her from being overwhelmed. 

The damn Reaper wouldn’t relent, and began shooting its powerful beams into the oncoming soldiers, intent on keeping them away from the Citadel. He found it hard to track Shepard in the spewing dust and debris, but he found her in time to see it happen. A shot from the Reaper landed just in front of her, as she was only yards away from her target, throwing her back as a cloud of dust blocked his view. 

“Fuck! Shepard!” He jumped up, intent on running down the hill to her side, but a strong hand grabbed his arm, holding him back. 

“Stop, Vega!”

“So help me, Vakarian,” he growled, “I will push you to the ground. I will shoot you, if you don’t fucking let me go.” The Turian leaned in, his grip tight on the man’s arm.

“She made me promise, Vega. And I intend to keep that promise. You…we’re staying here.” James could see the pain in his eyes, hear the regret in his voice, and his shoulders drooped slightly as the words sank in. “We’ll wait here for her to come back.” Garrus squeezed his arm. “She will come back, Vega.” He turned his gaze back to the field below, filled with dismembered bodies, straggling husks, men moaning in pain. “Spirits…look.” Garrus pointed with his free hand toward a point on the field, and James followed his gaze. He squinted into the dusty air. 

“What…I don’t see….” A figure was moving. The Turian’s grip relaxed, and he shook his arm free, pulling up the SMG and searching for the lone moving figure. It was her. Stumbling, slow, and clearly injured, but it was her, and she was still moving. He watched as she shot down a Marauder in her path, struggled toward her goal. “Come on, Lola, you can do it,” he mumbled under his breath, willing her onward. Then she walked into the beam of light…and was gone.

*****************************************

They were being overwhelmed by Reaper forces encroaching on the hill; they wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. Suddenly, the Reapers stopped moving, and everyone froze, as if someone had paused time across the entire galaxy. Something was happening. Then a strange red light spread throughout the Reaper fleet, and he could hear the breaths being sucked in, followed by silence as they were held, waiting, wondering if this was the end. Then the Reapers lurched back to life.

“No….” She had failed. She must have. And if she’d failed, then she was dead. Nothing else would have stopped her. In desperation, a nearby soldier let out a wail and fired off a rocket at a descending Reaper ship. The rocket ripped through its hull, and the Reaper plummeted into a building a few hundred yards away. A wave of energy swept over the troops, and everyone leapt into action. The message immediately went out across all available channels – The Reapers’ defenses were disabled. They could be defeated. 

James’s heartbeat quickened. Then she had done it, she had activated the Crucible, and it had done…whatever it was meant to do. He turned toward the beam that led to the Citadel, sure he would see Shepard coming back down at any moment. He found if flickering, watched it blink out. And she wasn’t there. He pulled up his SMG, stared through the scope, combed the field. He couldn’t find her. That wasn’t right. She’d said she would come back. That’s why he’d stayed behind, waited, instead of going in with her. So where was she? 

“James!” Garrus’s voice yelled his name, drawing his attention. “Just because they’re weak doesn’t mean they’ve stopped!” He jerked back into action as a pair of cannibals came lumbering up the hill towards him, training his gun on them in the nick of time. They went down easily. They really had been weakened, but there were still plenty of them shuffling around. He wanted to search for Shepard, but this had to come first. He had to clear a way. 

*************************************


	10. Solitary Confinement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James anxiously waits for news of Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the story. For now at least. I hope you enjoyed it! I'm not sure if I'll be writing any more. It's possible I may come back to it, and it's possible I may just write short Shep/James drabbles. For now, though.... Thank you for reading Dancing with Vega!

Dancing with Vega Chapter 10: Solitary Confinement

For three days he’d hardly slept. For three days he’d paced the lobby of Huerta Memorial. For three days his dark, brooding face had made every other visitor (and most of the nurses) steer well clear of him. For three days he’d haunted the space outside her room, staring through the glass door until he was forced to leave. For three days he’d begged to be let in to see her. For three days he’d been denied, turned away, and brushed off. On the fourth day, Admiral Hackett arrived and ordered him to vacate the premises, promising he would get a call when the situation changed. On the fourth day, he begrudgingly left the hospital and returned to his room on the Citadel. On the fourth day, he collapsed on his bed and slept for two. On the seventh day, he awoke from a nightmare, watching her blown back by the Reaper’s powerful beam…and not get up again. 

Nine days ago they had found Shepard’s body, barely breathing, barely alive. Nine days ago, her body was sitting on the floor in the Catalyst’s control room next to a no longer breathing David Anderson. Nine days ago they had brought her unconscious body to the hospital, where they did everything they could to make sure she would keep living. Seven days ago he had heard the news and dropped everything to see her, only to find her comatose and locked away. On this seventh day, he lay in his bed covered in a cold sweat, his stomach twisted in knots. 

He immediately checked his messages for news, and his blood ran cold when he realized he’d been asleep for two days straight. Panicked, he dove into his messages, fearing he’d slept through something important, maybe even missed his chance to say goodbye…or hello. With a sigh of relief he collapsed back onto the bed. Nothing had changed. No, not relief, not really, because that meant she was still in a coma. After four days of too strenuous exercise, and dulling the physical and emotional pain with alcohol, he received a message from an unlikely source. It was even flagged as a priority Spectre missive. It said simply –

_Lieutenant,  
I know you and I haven’t always gotten along, and that’s probably putting it lightly. But I know how much you care for her, so I pulled some strings. Get your ass to Huerta Memorial and ask for Doctor Michel; she’ll let you in.  
Alenko_

James’s eyes went wide. Surely this was a mistake, a drunken illusion. He read it again, made some coffee, read it again, drank the coffee, and read it yet again. The words remained the same. He looked down at himself, and realized he was in no condition to be rushing off anywhere. A quick shower, a few more cups of coffee, and he hopped a shuttle to the hospital, with the heel of an agitated leg thumping the floor. He didn’t know what he would find once he arrived. Was she fading? Had the Major called him in to say goodbye? Had they decided she was never going to wake up again? He didn’t allow himself to hope that he might be greeted with a smile. 

So when he was, when that glorious, if somewhat lopsided, smile turned toward him as he entered her room, peeking out from the mound of bandages, cuts, and bruises, his legs gave way, and he collapsed onto the floor. He heard a distressed sound, and the attending nurse hurried over to him and helped him up. With the aid of the nurse, he stumbled to the bed, and finally got a good look at her. Tubes were jammed into her arms, one leg was in a full cast, and her body was wrapped in so many bandages he could barely see an inch of her skin. For the first, and likely only, time in his life, he thanked Cerberus for what they’d done to her, realizing that without their “upgrades,” she’d likely be dead now. The nurse brought a chair over for him, which he immediately plopped into. 

“Damn, Lola,” he mumbled, trying to work up a smile. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life.” A strange sounding laugh, throaty and muffled, escaped Shepard, and James realized her jaw was wired shut. Thoughts began whirling in his mind; he could say anything, and she couldn’t interrupt him. And he had a lot to say, if he could just piece his thoughts together. He reached out and carefully took hold of her hand, smiling as her fingers, those not taped up and splinted together, twitched and curled around his as best as she could manage. “Now that you can’t argue me down,” he began quietly, “I’m gonna tell you, I ain’t staying behind again. Not ever again. Not ever again….” She grunted, and he looked up to see an angry glint in her good eye, but it vanished when he raised up her hand and kissed the bare fingers. “I don’t care, you know? I know you were trying to protect me, but who was there to protect you? No one. And I almost lost you. For two days I didn’t even know if you were alive, then they wouldn’t let me see you, or tell me anything. I didn’t know if you were going to live or die. I didn’t….” He paused as his voice choked with emotion, and he noted a wetness in her eyes. “It’s not your fault, but…I don’t want that to happen again. I’ll be with you next time. If there’s a next time. I fucking hope there’s not a next time.” Feeling sick at that thought, James took a slow, deep breath to settle himself. “I’m not…I belong at your side. Not far behind you. Don’t…don’t leave me behind again.” 

James felt his own eyes begin to burn with tears, but he quickly turned away so Shepard wouldn’t see, and rubbed them away with his free hand. “Lola, I….” Heaving a heavy sigh, he turned back to her attentive gaze. She was listening, but he hoped she was really hearing him, too. “I’ve got…one more thing to say. I should have said it before. Before you ran off into…whatever was waiting at the end of that road.” Carefully he brought her hand up to his lips, kissed the bare fingers, and then the bandaged palm. “Te amo,” he whispered against her fingers as he kissed them again. “Para siempre y siempre…te amo. I love you.” Fingers tried to curl around his own, and a frustrated sound came from behind Shepard’s teeth. Instead, with a pained groan of effort, her hand slowly rose and awkwardly touched his face. Under all the bandages, it was difficult to read her face, but a tear finally squeezed out of a bruised eye, which he barely saw before it was absorbed by the gauze around it. Smiling, he placed his hand over hers and gently held it to his cheek. “Does that mean you feel the same?” Shepard closed her eyes, and took several shaky breaths before returning her gaze to him.

“Ung…yes….” It was a dry, croaky sound, and barely audible, but he heard it, and his face immediately lit up with a huge smile.


End file.
